“God Gainseville? Instead of Romania???”

Sometimes my mind grazes the days where the World Race felt so far and my plans were so solid (HA i thought). The World Race had always looked like three countries in nine months && I was expectant and carrying so much excitement to be walking the streets of Romania in September. 

Now I’m here, in Gainesville, Georgia, not even allowed to leave campus for risks of catching covid. This week I have caught myself sitting in moments of anger thinking, “God, Gainesville? Instead of Romania? I could be ministering to your people across the world exactly right now && here I can’t even share your love to a small town in the middle of nowhere??” 

My parents will be my first witnesses when knowing that I broke down to complete tears a few days before catching my flight to Georgia. I received another email about what my time here would look like && it was like adding another disappointment onto the pile that had been stacking up since June. I kept telling myself it would be okay, and deep down I knew it would be okay, but instead of bringing my pile of disappointments to the Lord, I just kept piling them up.

It was Wednesday, my seventh day here, and I was sitting in a session led by one of my (really really cool) leaders. I don’t even remember specifically what the talk was about, but someone so clearly said, “It is because of the Lord’s love that we are here.” && dang. Convicted.

How often do I pray, “Your will not mine” or “Your dreams and plans not mine,” yet when the Lord takes me up on my offer and actually replaces my will for His, I complain, I get angry, && i question His goodness??

I can’t remember a morning of being here that my leader Leanna (LOVE HER WITH MY WHOLE HEART) hasn’t taken a deep, joyful breath while looking across the table at our team and exclaiming how thankful she is to be our leader; she praises God for specifically choosing her to be here with us. Wow. That’s a humble heart. I’m over here complaining in my head that i’m in Georgia and not Romania and she’s over here praising the good, faithful, abundant Lord for even giving her the opportunity to be here with us. She not only recognizes, but lives out the fact that everything good is a gift from our Father!!!! He simply doesn’t owe us anything!!!!

And that’s the truth: our Creator owes us nothing. and even so, He loves us SO (incredibly, completely, greatly, beautifully, UGH there’s actually no words on this planet that could describe the love of God that i have experienced) much that He sent Jesus to reconcile our relationship with Him. Read the whole bible, old and new testament, and you will discover that it is the literal story of God pursuing our sinful hearts back to reconciliation with Him. And even after God watched men hammer nails through HIS VERY OWN SONS hands and feet, His love was so great that He intentionally raised Jesus from the dead three days later so that we could have the opportunity to hug Him in heaven one day if we so choose to love Him back!!!! That’s not something anyone would ever be able to earn! && Let me make this clear: HE DIDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT FOR US. AND HE DIDNT STOP THERE. Allowing us the opportunity for eternity with our own Creator is greater of a gift then we have the time to praise Him for in our earthly journey; yet, he continued to give!!!!!!

He also welcomed us into His family, calling us children! We are heirs of the Most High King!! 1 John 3:1-2, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.” The word ‘lavished’ also can be translated as ‘bestowed’ which carries the idea of one sided giving that is not in return for something earned! God also pursues us here on earth! He didn’t want to wait until heaven to have a personal relationship with us; He wants us to know Him and His abundant gifts now!! It’s completely against His character to not be faithful, to not keep His promises, to not be abundant. God can do anything He wants, but He will do nothing against His character.

So back to my point, the fact that God chose to put me and my teammates here instead of Romania is unbelievably kind!!!!!!!! He has surrounded me with a community longing for His presence; a chance to abandon every distraction that was keeping me from pursuing Him in past seasons; a place to rest. I look at my life here and these past 10 days have been, “this is my real life????” kinda days. how could I miss how provided I am and still be longing? How often have I missed the miracle in front of my face? 

It makes me think, how often do I proclaim a God of love, yet live like I’m unsure that He will be loving in the next season I walk through??? How can I wallow in ‘what if’s’ when I could be living a life of praise and gratitude? The Fathers love is so extravagant that the door closing to go to Romania was, as I learned in church this Sunday morning, “Not rejection, but protection.”

Maybe after the world sat in distress for months as covid killed everything from our daily routines to the people we love most, the Lord looked at His children knowing that before we could share His promises we needed to be reminded of them.  

Maybe Abba looked at the tender hearts of His creation and back at our divided, suffering, and deeply hurting world knowing that before we could effectively preach to the broken, we would need to recognize our brokenness and find healing in our own hearts.   

Maybe, as racers, the Lord wanted us to stop putting our identities in the countries and routes we held so loudly, and instead start putting our identities in Him. Because it’s not about the places our feet land; we should be longing for anywhere Abba’s love abides.

Maybe, since too many of us haven’t been allowed to step through church doors since march, before we could talk about a supportive, christ-like, united body of Christ we would have to learn how to be one again.  

And maybe, but most likely, we will never fully understand the reason the Lord intentionally placed us in middle-of-nowhere Gainesville for three months until our feet are standing on heavenly grounds. Sometimes I’m reminded that our earthly mindsets are too small to carry the mighty complex of a heavenly one. And praise the Lord for that!

So, THANKS GOD! Thank you for not bending to my will, but stretching my heart to yours. 

May we never take the Father’s glory for granted.